Guitar Jokes

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

How do you make a guitar player play quieter?

Put sheet music in front of him.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

None--they just steal somebody else's light.

What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?

Counterpoint.

In the 22th century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a light source?

Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

1.       None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.

2.       Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.

3.       One, but the guitarist has to show him first.

4.       Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

How do you know when there's a musician at your door?

His hat says "Domino's Pizza"

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a musician's car?

Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Why are band breaks limited to 20 minutes?

So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?

A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?

The knock always slows down.

Why do bands have bass players?

To translate for the drummer.

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?

It took two hours to get the drummer out.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

1.       "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"

2.       Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

3.       Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).

4.       Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins.

5.       None. They have a machine to do that.

Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.